Bridges Over Divides: Listening, Leading, and Living With Integrity

In Fayetteville, Arkansas, a federal district court issued a preliminary injunction in Stinson v Fayetteville School District No. 1.  Plaintiff Samantha Stinson stated that Act 573, the requirement for all public schools to permanently display the protestant King James version of The Ten Commandments in every classroom and library, is a direct infringement on their religious-freedom rights. In response to the decision to stay, ACLU of Arkansas Legal Driector John Williams stated, “The court saw through this attempt to impose religious doctrine in public schools and upheld every student’s right to learn free from government-imposed faith.”

In Los Angeles, California, The court settlement for Kidd v Noem prohibits U.S. Immigration and Customs Enforcement (ICE) officers from identifying as state or local law enforcement. According to ACLU Foundation of Southern California Staff Attorney Diana Sanchex, “This settlement makes clear immigration officers are not above the Constitution and will be held accountable for their deceptive practices. According to Coalition for Humane Immigrant Rights Executive Director Angelica Salas, “a home must be protected,” referring to “roving patrols of masked federal agents…illegally disappearing and separating families on our own streets.”

In Bride, by Ali Hazelwood, the Nest is the tallest building in the North of the city. When Misery brought Serena there, she’d expected candelabras, heavy velvet drapes, and the corpses of Vampyre enemies. The memory makes Misery smile.

Misery’s new husband believes that those who espouse keeping your enemies closer that your friends don’t know what they’re talking about. Misery doubts any Vampyre has been in Were territory for centuries. Being with Humans had seemed like living in another country, but among the Weres it feels like deep space exploration in another galaxy.

After observing Misery eating peanut butter, Lowe comments that he was told that Vampyres don’t eat food. Misery replies that Serena made her do it. Lowe glances around, not seeing any Serenas present.

On the roof with Lowe, Misery reflects that Lowe might not like himself very much. She asks him where he used to live in Europe. Seemingly surprised by the question, he answers that it was Zurich.

I love the interplay between Lowe and Misery. They show a great example of how to develop a friendship with healthy boundaries. It starts by noticing things about the other person that run contrary to your expectations of them, and showing a well-meaning interest in what makes them different. In today’s day and age, we need more examples of how our differences can bring us together instead of pushing us apart.

From my own experience, and listening to candidates during this primary season, I am more convinced now than ever that a fundamental source of our discord is a failure to make space for one another and just listen with an attentive ear. It doesn’t mean that you need to agree with the other person, but that you accept them as a fellow traveler. Like Weres and and Vampyres can have certain traits, just because you belong to a group doesn’t necessarily mean you actually belong in a welcomed sense, or that you automatically have all the predefined attributes associated with members of the group. Our differences set us apart and can bring us together.

A common complaint I hear is that people make assumptions about them and that no one actually listens to them or tries to get to know them as individuals, or listen to what they have to share. Our diversity of experience, thoughts, and opinions can fuel a greater sense of strength and purpose as we more fully understand different perspectives. It can also reveal what truly binds us, and what we can learn from one another. Listening and paying attention while honoring boundaries paves the way toward more fulfilling relationships if we prioritize the value of someone’s presence in the room or at the table.

Steven Covey sagaciously stated in Seven Habits, “Seek first to understand, and then to be understood.” Or as my Dad used to say, “God gave us two of these [pointing to his ears] and one of these [pointing to his mouth] for a reason.” Too often we forget that what someone wants and needs is not someone to talk to them, but someone who will be present with them that they can talk to. No one wants to be proselytized to.

Based on a mug I have that my father used to own, and my mother kept for him after he passed away—and based on the stories I had heard from him and second hand from my mother, as well as my personal memories—I have gotten to know my father’s career in the Air Force a bit better. On one side of the mug is the logo from US Air Forces in Europe, and as you turn the mug, you see his preferred name, “Bob,” “69 to 73,” and a cloak-and-dagger image.

The cloak-and-dagger image is symbolic of the 497th Reconnaisance Technical Group of the US Air Force, which played a significant role in providing intelligence support in Europe during the Cold War. It took over operational control of the photographic processing facility of Lindsey Air Force Base near Wiesbaden, where my Dad worked and I lived from the age of 4 to the age of 8.

While at Lindsey AFB, my father earned an Air Force Commendation medal for his work on the Air Order of Battle, which was a painstaking effort analyzing newspaper and journal clippings, as well as reconnaissance photos to help determine the logistics of other countries armed forces. Those clippings were converted into punch cards that my father fed into the computers at a time when punch-card driven computers was state-of-the-art (seeding an interest to become more proficient with computer technology). Those results were then incorporated into the new Air Order of Battle which was delivered regularly to US Air Forces Europe command, which had relocated across the country to Ramstein. It was said that he received the award for his great attention to detail.

Backing up a few years...Just after I was born in 1965, my father went TDY (temporary duty) to NPK, Thailand where he worked with Air Commandos who were there unofficially doing reconnaisance until formally deployed in 1966. He had stories of going in-country and meeting a local indigenous chief. He also told stories of being involved in leaflet propaganda drops. And then there were the stories of learning to sleep, ready to wake up fighting if disturbed.

From 1967 to 1969, Dad was stationed in Ismir, Turkey, which was an important location for gathering reconnaisance information during the cold war. After his service at Air Forces Europe Tactical Reconnaisance, and a promotion to Tech Sergeant, Dad was assigned to the photo lab at Wurtsmith AFB in Michigan from 1973 to 1977. Anytime a military aircraft went down in the region, it was his duty to travel to the sight of the crash and take forensic photographs, a job he was assigned because of his high security clearance.

After having been promoted to Master Sergent, Dad accepted a billet as the Supervisor of the Audiovisual Services Lab at Carswell Air Force Base in White Settlement, Texas, from 1977 to 1981, a another position of high visibility and trust, and through which highly confidential information flowed.

Even with all his responsibilities, Dad still found time to coach my Little League team, and join the board of the Lone Star Boy Scout Council, where I would see him at the occasional jamboree.

After my father left the service, he was unable to get a job as an assistant manager at a local photography studio. He turned to helping my uncle, who had flown in the gunner’s seat of a B-25 Mitchell during WWII, and had his own business as a mobile trailer mechanic. And after my uncle passed away, Dad kept his brother-in-law’s business running for his sister, using a TRS-80 computer for managing the invoices and customer database, and doing the repairs himself. Cancer took him from us far too soon.

When I think of Dad, I still remember those icy weekend days, where he would throw chains into the back of his Suburban and look for people to pull from ditches beside the highway. He would often say, "Sometimes if you want a job done right, you have to do it yourself." There were two things I took away from that. The first was that I would never frustrate someone if I could help it in that way. I am loathe to take work away from someone and do it myself if I can find a way to help them instead or accept what they can accomplish.

The second is that no one can succeed in truly trying to do everything themselves. There is too much to do to do something alone. We have to work together, and sometimes when nobody else is willing to do what needs doing, you step up to the plate and do it yourself to make sure it gets done, like when my Dad assigned me to be an outfielder and the sacrifice hitter for my Little League team.

In Bride, Lowe announces that he’s going to take Ana to Human territory and find a doctor who won’t ask too many questions or perform unnecessary exams. Misery interrupts to state that she has more experience with Humans than the other people in the room. When Cal starts with “actually,” Misery amends her statement to “experience with Humans that doesn’t involve murdering them, and Cal concedes that she’s right.

When Misery is captured and taken to her father after escaping confinement to a windowless attic room with her dear friend, she notices that Mick, who is standing by her father’s desk, looks ashamed. She accuses him of of being responsible for the poisoning. She asks him if the former Alpha’s mate Emery was even aware of the deed.

Misery wants to tell Mick he’s despicable. When asked why he did it, he said it was because her father had his son. She asks if he also sent Max after Ana to kidnap her. Misery’s father interrupts, saying she is “a never-ending source of disappointment.”

Her father asks her why she thinks that Vampyres still hold power in North America, even though many of their communities around the world don’t hold their own territories and “are forced to live among the Humans.” She counters that it’s because he so “selflessly” kills everyone who stands in his way. And once again, he reiterates that she is a source of disappointment for him.

There are people who hold one or more leadership positions in various organizations as a way to consolidate power and push their personal agenda. It happens more often than you might think. Leadership carries significant leverage — which can be used for harm or for good. When a leader seeks to bend an organization to their will, they lean into authoritarianism, shutting out other voices and perspectives, often with damaging results.

In tightly-knit communities like Utah, it’s not unusual for people to serve in leadership roles in multiple organizations. I’m one of those people. The difference lies in whether you position yourself as the leader — the central authority — or as one of many servant leaders working together toward the organization’s mission. Servant leaders recognize the organization’s needs come first. They invite broad participation, share decision-making, and see their role as one perspective among many. They compartmentalize their responsibilities and tailor their input to the mission of each organization they serve.

By contrast, leaders with a personal agenda often resist other viewpoints, dismiss perspectives that don’t match their own, and aim to steer multiple organizations toward a single outcome. This consolidation of influence reduces the independence of each group and pulls them away from their best work.

In any role I take, I work to understand the organization’s perspective and my place in it. I only accept roles in organizations whose values I share and want to see thrive — never to subvert them to my will. I choose roles selectively because leadership takes energy, and the more organizations you serve, the more you must guard against conflicts of interest.

I know many remarkable servant leaders, and I’ve also seen those who consolidate power for themselves. Given the choice, I will always soar with servant-leader eagles rather than strut with autocratic turkeys. True leadership and community thrive when we choose connection over control, curiosity over assumption, and service over self-interest. Whether in courtrooms defending the rights of students and families, in fictional worlds where unexpected friendships bridge impossible divides, or in the quiet legacy of a life lived with integrity, we are reminded that listening with intent, honoring boundaries, and valuing each person’s presence can transform discord into understanding. We cannot — and should not — do everything alone, but together, with open hearts and servant spirits, we can protect freedoms, strengthen communities, and leave behind a legacy that lifts others higher. The call is simple: listen more, lead with humility, and let our differences be the bridges that unite us.