Carrying Hope Forward: Stories, Songs, and the Strength to Keep Going

In The Entanglement of Rival Wizards, by Sara Raasch, Orok hauls Seb to several parties. Seb finds himself himself flung into Crescentia. He whirls on Orok to steady him.

Orok tells Seb they need to leave. Seb think’s it’s okay for Elethior Toureal to play pretend at being some kind of a badass, but actually being a badass would be a level of slumming he’s not capable of. Orok is worried that Elethior might know they were in his labs.

Ivo suggests that Orok should lay off the hard stuff. Cresentia asks what the rivalry’s all about. Seb explains that at higher-level magic things are broken into rigid class structures.

When Seb states that conjuration wizards are thieves, he is interrupted by someone stating that they were going to say the same thing about him. The group turns to see it was Elethior who spoke.

The Carpenters Platinum Tribute Band concert on August 29 was fun. It’s hard to believe how much everyone has aged. Many band members have been around since the beginning, with newer members going back anywhere from seven to twenty-five years. LynnDee Mueller’s voice was practically indistinguishible from the late great Karen Capenter’s voice. With an ensemble of saxophone, flute, drums, and harmonica, they played a great medley of favorites from back in the day. Among the tunes they played with a video backdrop were “We’ve Only Just Begun,” “Top of the World,” “Rainy Days,” “Close to You,” “Masquerade,” “Jambalaya,” and “Da Do Run Run.”

While this is a tribute band and not the original, their tribute to Karen Carpenter was phenomenal. Who knew that Karen played the drums? But it was also clear in the photos, Karen preferred to be herself. She broke norms, and for the most part the photos didn’t show a real girly girl, but someone who expressed herself with energy and a huge earth-shattering grin.

The audience attending has also aged. I daresay I would have been hard-pressed to identify anyone under 60 in the theater. The crowd joined in in singing and dancing in their seats, and on the last songs, people started rocking their cell phone camera lights much as they would have with their lighters in the eighties. It was a reminder that even though life is preciously short, it’s okay to remember and to bond over the good moments and the songs that gave us hope way back then—songs that can timelessly inspire us to rekindle that hope once again.

In The Woods All Black, by Lee Mandelo, on Leslie’s second, third, and fourth days, he methodically calls at every household. On the fifth day, the isolation and entrapment has frayed his nerves to threads. On the sixth and seventh days, he can’t bring himself to read his novels or wander the woods. Leslie raps his knuckle on the table and asks Hansall, “What on earth is going on in this town?”

When Leslie sets up to do innoculations for the town, he doesn’t catch sight of either of the Mattinglys. He feels worse than useless. The schoolmistress harps over his shoulder, “Aren’t you ready yet?”

In The Living Dead Girl, by Elizabeth Scott, when Ray comes home at 4:30, the living dead girl, whom he has renamed to Alice, rubs his back and feet while he watches judge shows. Ray comments that “Anyone can tell that guy [who says his ex-girlfriend owes him money] is lying.” He sighs and comments how much the previous “Alice’s” parents didn’t know how much he loved her when he attended her funeral.

Alice wishes she could be a fly so she could live on nothing and have wings. Jake tells her that he did everything Todd said to do. Jake seems to her to be a living dead boy as well, broken inside.

On Sunday, we had a sermon about the closet. Joshua opened the service with a musical performance about having to leave the church because he loved another man, and put the church behind him because they couldn’t accept their love, and wanted him to keep it a secret. During his sermon, he talked about how much he wouldn’t have accomplished without being in the closet. And then he spoke about how fulfilling it was to come out.

Joshua talked about bi-erasure, and the fact that there are actually more bi people than there are gay people. He talked about the discomfort of having to refer to his love as same-sex-attraction. He also mentioned that only 16% of gay people are out—84% still live in the closet. He asked us to imagine a world where the remaining 84% felt safe to be out as well.

On Labor Day, I had planned a kayaking outing with my friend. She suggested that we go to Blackridge Reservoir near where her daughter lives. We planned to leave about 1 pm.

At 12 pm, I went outside to load up my kayak. The blistering heat of the sun made it difficult to work the latches on the racks to prep them to receive the kayak. I had to get a towel to keep from blistering my forearm as I struggled to get the racks set up.

Once I finally had the racks set up, I pulled out my straps, when I discovered one of them needed to be let out. The strap refused to let out. It was jammed tight and wouldn’t budge. At this point, struggling with severe heat exhaustion, I took my strap inside and texted my friend. I can’t do it, I typed. It’s too fuckin hot. Inside, I tried to cool off.

About the time I was about to just go lie down, I got a message, I’m sending Gary over to help.

Gary had just come off a 50 mile bike ride and was exhausted himself. He also struggled with the straps, as I pulled out a cold soda for him. He asked my friend to go get their straps that didn’t ratchet down. Eventually we got the kayak secured.

I dropped my friend by her place to finish gathering up food and drinks, while I ran to the store to grab my estrogen before the store closed. Eventually, we were packed and headed out on the road to Blackridge Reservoir down in Layton.

When we got there, and saw what looked like a glorified swimming pool surrounded by rocks in a neighborhood with very little of an outdoors feel to it, I felt bad. While it was clean and had a playground, it wasn’t the same. It was fully exposed to the sun, and literally had nothing natural to explore. I didn’t want to take my kayak down for that. I was fine if my friend wanted to go paddle-boarding there, and I would hang back while she did it if that was what she desired.

It was really uncomfortable for me, because she had been looking forward to the trip. When I told her of my disillusionment, she suggested we look around for other reservoirs. I finally just looked for kayaking near me, and discovered Lindon Marina on Utah Lake which was about a half hour away. After discussing it, and looking at the pictures, we decided to do it.

After another road trip, which was already making me feel better, we arrived at the marina, and prepared to get out on the water. There was shade available, and the beach and water were not crowded. As I stepped out of the car, and had the kayak down, I knew this was what I needed. I thanked my friend for being persistent and not letting me give up, as I felt the cool breeze coming off the water.

Once we were set up, I launched my kayak from the mud of the beach, using a thrusting action with my hips since I couldn’t push the paddles against the shore hard enough to move. I paddled up to the end of the little cove, and exited around to my right, following the shoreline. I took an easy paddle, admiring the feeling in my muscles, the breeze on my skin, and the swell under my boat. I paddled near and around the marsh, watching the ducks, the mountains, and a distant frontrunner train. I took a lot of pictures, and after a bit, I opened up my kindle reader and read a while. Then I paddled some more, aiming toward the next promontory.

The approaching sunset looked beautiful as the light from the sun sparkled across the waves. Finally I decided I felt it enough in my muscles to turn and head back. It was 6 pm according to my cell phone. I finally reached shore at my starting point about 6:30 pm, and then I relaxed as Brooke took her paddle board out for her relaxing adventure.

All-in-all, it was just what I needed, and I am so grateful that my friend and her husband came to my aid and wouldn’t let me just quit.

Yesterday, my friend and I drove down to American Fork Marina on Utah Lake after fueling up and getting snacks. The sky was overcast and there was rain in the distance. Once I launched, I set off in a counter-clockwise direction following the shoreline. I passed a play ship erected on private property, could hear the croaking of the birds and seagulls flying, and saw a fish jump playfully up ahead of me. A tiny golden, winged insect hitchhiked on my arm as I paddled. Tucked in front of me was my lunch bag, with drinks, snacks, and my book.

My arms started growing sore long before the half hour mark, and each time I stopped for a few seconds, I would take pictures of the beautiful scenery of the mountains and rushes surrounding the lake. They kayak would spin me in the opposite direction by the time I got my camera in place, and I had to use my paddle to spin me back in place. A quick sip of water, and I’d be off again.

For my time reference, I used the time stamp on the first picture I took as I was leaving the beach. Finally after some distance, and feeling some droplets on my arms, I noted that I had been paddling for 31 minutes. At that point, I took a break to rehydrate, read a few pages of my book, tucked it all away, and headed back.

The return journey felt like it was taking longer. The crests of the waves were a bit larger at about six inches and headed in the right direction, but the current itself was not strong enough to ease my passage. I suspect the current was going counter to the waves. I had to look at the shoreline directly parallel to make sure I was actually making progress. I also thought about my friend on her inflatable paddle board, and the large fish that were jumping. I finally made it back to shore one hour and six minutes after I had launched from the beach.

As I beached my craft, and sat in the waiting lawn chair, I took out my phone and saw a message from my friend asking where I was. Before I could respond, I saw her approach on the paddle board and a boat sail off. Once she finally got to shore and I explained where I was, she told me that the wind and waves had stranded her out in the middle of the lake, and a helpful stranger threw her a tow line to bring her back to the waves pushing to shore. I am very thankful for the stranger and that my friend made it back safely.

As we continued to watch, the waves began to settle until they were calm once again.

Inflatable paddle boards are just as subject to the wind as inflatable kayaks. The kayak is lighter and more exposed to the wind. It’s one of the reasons I now go kayaking with a rigid hull now. The winds were up to 13 mph that day. Rigid kayaks, especially the sit-inside type ride lower in the water and are more subject to the currents than the winds.

Once we had a good rest, bundling up the gear and getting home went relatively quickly and easily. Even getting my kayak and everything else put away went much more smoothly. Once you work out all the kinks and start to know what you’re doing, the process goes more smoothly.

All-in-all, though, the trip to Utah Lake and back is now becoming a day-long affair. From starting prep to having everything put away, lasted from 11:45 am to 7:30 pm. Of course, I slept more today, and missed church as a result, but it was absolutely worth it.

I purchased my ticket for Nightfall at West Valley Performing Arts Center in October. Nightfall centers the works of Edgar Allan Poe, so I listened to his complete works on audio in preparation. It’s good to go beyond "The Tell-Tale Heart," "The Raven," and other popular works we grew up on, and dive into his other works like “The Gold Bug” and “The Murder in the Rue Morgue.” I loved the descriptiveness in “The Gold Bug.” It’s a great story to remember to not assume you know everything about another person, or to assume they are crazy because you don’t understand their behavior.

In “The Gold Bug,” Legrand asks his friend if he has ever heard of an important treasure being unearthed along the coast. The friend answers, “Never.” Lundgren took it for granted that the earth still held Captain Kidd’s accumulations.

In “The Murder in the Rue Morgue,” Dupin aims to place in juxtaposition the very unusual activity, the very peculiar shrill, and the unequaled voice that were reported. As his friend seems to be on the verge of comprehension, Dupin continues with his discourse. If gold was the motive of the outrage, then the perpetrator must have been a vacillating idiot to abandon the gold.

In “The Pit and the Pendulum,” when the prisoner perceives the loosening of the bandage securing them under the pendulum, they lay still with a super-human resolution. Sliding from the embrace of the bandage with a slow and steady motion beyond the reach of the scimitar, they find themselves free for a moment. They endeavor in vain to look through the half-inch aperture at the base of the walls.

Tuesday was the Salt Lake County Democratic Party Executive Committee meeting. We played a trivia game based on our county constitution and the anti-harassment policy. Afterwards, we gave our individual reports. I’m still waiting for feedback about the endorsement process from most of the caucuses, but am excited that more caucuses are starting to meet on a regular basis. The women’s caucus sent out a newsletter announcing their new leadership, and invitations to their first monthly meeting. Caucuses that are now meeting regularly include the Stonewall Dems, Progressive Caucus, Women’s Caucus, Senior Caucus, and Veteran’s Caucus.

Wednesday, as every Wednesday for me, is game night. We are playing a system that lets the players and the game master influence and build the world. As we tackle character roles, and build the world together, we build a sense of camaraderie. In our group, we are also encouraged to share a win of the week before we start. I love being with a group that has intensely analytical players taking on variously analytical roles. Two of us are scientists in this fantasy world—something hard to do with D&D.

I looked forward to attending the Women’s Caucus on Thursday. The caucus meetings are a great place to build solidarity, engagement, and support. It’s a place where people can feel valued and where they can feel they belong. Regular caucus meetings and events are where it’s at to build the party, and to help blaze a path forward.

On Thursday, the Women's Caucus met for their first monthly meeting. They introduced the new elected leadership and a bylaw change to be able to make their meetings more accessible. Also, they discussed the redistricting that has been ordered to occur by the Utah Supreme Court. The new maps must be in compliance with the strictures voted on in the referendum that set up the redistricting committee. One of those restrictions is that no county can be split across more that two congressional districts. Salt Lake County, and the Democratic Party base is split across four, resulting in the rural voices drowning out the urban voices. If the Utah Legislature cannot provide a compliant map by October, then the Independent Redistricting Commission will get to supply the map by default.

The net effect is that Salt Lake County will probably be split across two congressional districts instead of four. If they split North to South, the resulting Northern district will have a much greater Democratic presence. Therefore, I expect the legislature to split East and West to make the districts more competitive. One such district could include West Valley City, Taylorsville, and Kearns. If the Democrats field two strong candidates that resonate with the highly diverse populations and their needs, they have chance, albeit slightly lower, of taking both seats.

I’m excited to see the Women’s Caucus starting to meet more frequently. While Google maps first led me to a Speak Easy before I finally arrived 15 minutes late at HK Brewing, I enjoyed conversing with the people present, including the new leadership. I also reminded the leadership team that they can select two representatives to represent the caucus on the Central Committee which meets this Wednesday.

In the novel In Deeper Waters, by F. T. Lukens, rows upon rows of tall ships bob in the harbor. Garrett has instructed Tal to explore the market. Having grown up in a castle near the sea, he and Corrie have often hidden and run away from tutors to explore the town. Walking through a seaside market that stinks of oysters and buzzing with the calls of vendors is not the kind of adventure he longed for his coming-of-age journey.

Through stories, songs, struggles, and shared adventures, this week has reminded me that resilience is born not only in moments of strength but in the courage to ask for help, to show up, and to keep going when things don’t go as planned. Whether it’s literature revealing hidden truths, music awakening nostalgia and joy, or friends showing up when the heat feels unbearable, each experience teaches us that we are never truly alone. Let us carry these reminders forward—into our communities, our relationships, and our daily choices—so that we can be the ones who lift each other, nurture hope, and create spaces where all can thrive. The invitation is simple: live fully, love boldly, and keep showing up—for yourself and for others.