Feeding the Mind, Honoring the Heart

When the Darweesh family makes the trip down to Alamaxa by rail in The Daughters of Izdihar, by Hadeer Elsbai, Nehal’s father doesn’t look at her the entire ride. Knowing she is in Alamaxa when she steps of the rail, she wonders how women in the city wear such heavy attire when it is so damn hot all the time. When Nehal starts to peel the robe from her shoulders, her mother tugs it back on.

Giorgina finds solitude nowhere to be found. There is something vaguely familiar about the strange man sitting with her parents. Ehab smiles and says, “Come here, habibti.”

In Guys and Dolls, Sky Masterson receives valuable advice from his father. He tells him that one a day a guy is going to show him am a brand-new deck of cards and offer a bet that he can make the jack of spades jump out of the deck. His father advises him to not take the bet.

In The Art of Strategy, Avinash K Dixit and Barry J Nalebuff explain that if a speculator offers to sell you a futures contract, he only makes money if you lose money. A futures contract can provide a hedge against future price movements for a farmer with soy beans to sell at some future time. It is also insurance for someone who needs to buy soy beans in the future to make soy milk.

Vianne, in The Nightingale, by Kristen Hannah, had a miscarriage two months after she was married at the age of seventeen and crawled into her grief, cocooning it around herself. It’s not the sort of memory she wants on a beautiful day. As she leans up against her husband, her daughter runs up announcing that she’s ready to go.

Isabelle remembers daylight when she wakes to darkness. She asks herself where she is. She takes a few breaths before looking around.

As wind tumbles through the bare trees, the rug of the small dingy apartment smells of the last tenant’s tobacco. Isabelle senses that something is wrong.

At the hotel, Henri sees her and nods. He tells her, “One moment, Madame,” gliding past her. When he returns, he suggests she follow him to her room. Isabelle nods and follows Henri. He leads her inside, kicks the door shut, and takes her in his arms.

December 30 would have been my twelfth anniversary with my wife. We were married at the Salt Lake County Government Center on December 30, 2013, just a short time after same sex marriage had become legal in Utah. She passed away early in the morning on November 30, 2022, just shy of our ten year anniversary.

The day we were married, the new attorney general for the state of Utah was being sworn in front of us, while we waited for our license to be processed. She was wearing her black wedding dress, and I wore my white dress. Little did I know that the man in front of us being sworn in would make an announcement less that one day later that the office was going to spend millions of dollars of Utah funds to fight same sex marriage, in essence fighting our marriage.

I had no idea that our marriage was going to get me involved in politics as much as it did. I attended rallies, and I ran a petition after writing a letter to the attorney general, so it would be easier for my wife to sign on. I presented the petition at the Utah State Capitol, which was broadcast into homes across Utah. I also wrote an op ed about non-traditional marriage that got noticed. It took only a few steps from there to become a delegate and eventually a candidate for the Utah State Legislature, when I discovered my representative was stepping down. My wife encouraged me all the way, standing behind me, and pushing me into the foray.

I did it for her, and for all the people who were being wronged by the decisions being made at the Utah State Legislature, at the jokes they were making on people’s behalf, and the lives they were ruining. Being so far out from my safe zone, I had to be outspoken. It was and continues to be my duty. Someday, I hope that we can all come together and gently explore the issues and the needs, and come up with solutions that address all the concerns involved.

On July 8, 1958, in an article by the New York Times, the Navy revealed the embryo of an electronic computer would “be able to walk, talk, see, write, reproduce itself and be conscious of its own existence. Frank Rosenblatt, a psychologist and project engineer at Cornell University, claimed the perceptron would be the “first device to think as the human brain.” According to Dr. Rosenblatt, explaining why the machine learned could only be done “in highly technical terms” which failed to appear in the story.

January 1st was a new year and a new day. I’m increasing my daily meditation times to six minutes. I read 91 books of my 96 book goal and set a new goal the same way I did last year. I simply set it to the number of books I read the previous year. That way there is no stress, and it’s just a part of my ritual. Whether I make my goal or not, I make sure to keep feeding my brain.

 So many people are crowd-sourcing their knowledge, which is not reliable—especially since that “information” is typically not well thought out or researched. As Ziggy, my smart speaker, consistently reminds me, much of what goes on in the political sphere is nuanced and complex. It is easy—and lazy—to give in to confirmation bias, without doing the work of truly understanding a problem domain. It is easy—and lazy—to not listen to the whole story or give someone the opportunity to describe their perspective. Communication is a two way street, and if you leave a conversation without having been changed, you haven’t had a conversation.

When I logged into work, I finally found why I received the TechXpert Award for the fourth quarter of 2025. This is what the commendation said:

”Sophia Hawes-Tingey exemplifies technical excellence and leadership. She consistently delivers top-class solutions for SpeedShip, including multiple key frameworks such as advanced data compression and a reusable Kinesis toolkit (DataHub) that provides generic access to Kinesis. Sophia demonstrates development leadership by identifying critical patterns and applying them to improve supportability and sustainability of core systems. Her projects are delivered on time, and most recently, she played a pivotal role in definingand implementing AI strategies for SpeedShip, shaping how we integrate AI into our solutions. Beyond her technical contributions, Sophia is easy to work with, maintains strong interpersonal relationships, communicates development standards effectively, and provides clear guidance to both internal and external team members. Her impact is felt across the organization, making her a candidate for the WWEX’ie award.”

Whew! It’s hard to take all that in, but people actually noticed. None of this came via on-the-fly reactions or feeling like I had nothing left to learn or not critically thinking through issues. It came by consciously educating myself, from technology to interpersonal relationships. A lot of it came from cracking open books.

Whether fiction or nonfiction, authors put themselves into their work. They try to communicate what they have seen and learned, even if it’s sometimes sharing an emotional reaction. By seeking multiple resources and consistently feeding our own neural networks with different perspectives, we make ourselves more open to the beautiful diversity around us, and are sometimes able to to patterns that others miss. We don’t fall prey to just believing something is so because someone repeats it three times.

I can’t wait to see how much I develop emotionally and intellectually from the 91 books I will read this year. Someone asked me which books from last year were my favorite, and I simply gave them the last six I rated 5 stars out of 5:

• Designing Data-Intensive Algorithms,

• This Tender Land,

• When the Tides Held the Moon,

• HBRs 10 Must Reads on Strategy,

• Brigands and Breadknives, and

• Fairydale.

Not everyone will agree that these books are worth five stars. Some may even think they are only worth one star—and that’s okay. What we enjoy and what we appreciate very often comes down to how well we connect with what is written . Things that I appreciate in my books are readability, emotiveness, informativeness, relatability, authenticity, and factuality.

My reading and experimentation with AI is also reflected in my Linked In profile:

“As a Principal Software Engineer, I lead the design and delivery of AI-augmented solutions that empower operational teams and enhance customer support. I focus on building tools that assist—not replace—professionals, enabling them to work more effectively and make more informed decisions.

With extensive experience in Java, Python, SQL, SOQL, and browser automation, I develop robust systems that integrate across platforms and scale with organizational needs. I bring recent experience with tools like Playwright to create intelligent, cross-functional workflows that drive measurable impact.

My approach is grounded in empathy, systems thinking, and a commitment to ethical technology. Drawing from my background in civic leadership and advocacy, I strive to build solutions that reflect the values of inclusion, equity, and sustainability.

🔧 Key Areas: Java, Python, SQL, SOQL, Playwright, Browser automation, AI-assisted workflows, Hybrid system integration

🧠 Focus: Delivering AI-powered tools that augment professionals and enhance operational performance

🌐 Passions: Ethical AI | Tech for good | Queer & trans equity in tech | Human-centered automation

🧭 Mission: Build technology that amplifies human expertise, increases accessibility, and makes systems more just and responsive.”

I am not ashamed to admit I used ChatGPT to write this description. I had a lot of exploratory conversations around these topics, and it took them into account. After it generated the summary, I edited it to be factual. As I read it again, every bit of it is still true.

As the new year progresses, when the hurtful reactions get to be too much on social media, I will close the app and focus on my meditation and my books. I will focus on being a friend, and I will focus on my emotional state, especially when that means putting it in writing.

In Emma, by Jane Austen, the mildness of Miss Taylor’s temper didn’t allow her to impose restraints on Emma. Emma did not perceive the danger of her power of having too much go her way and a disposition to think too highly of herself. After a dinner following Miss Taylor’s wedding, Emma’s father composes himself to sleep, while she can only sit and think about what she had lost.

The more Emma sees of Harriet Smith, the more she approves of her as someone to whom whe might be useful. Harriet dreams of being loved as someone useful. To her mind, there is nothing to be done for Mrs. Weston, but everything to be done for Harriet.  Harriet is satisfied to hear and believe just what Mrs. Goddard tells her.

In The Art of Strategy, by Avinash K Dixit and Barry J Nalebuff, in both the Vickrey auction and the English (Japanese) auctions, the winning bidder pays the second highest valuation. In the English (or Japanese) auction, the winning bidder pays the bid at which the penultimate bidder drops out. In the Vickrey auction, the person with the highest valuation only pays the second highest bid.

Monday was Danilynn’s birthday. She would have turned 63. Just seeing that on the calendar, and the birthday notification in Facebook brought tears to my eyes. I do still miss her.

Last night, I hosted the gaming session at my place. The Legendarium is closed this week, and everyone that came opted for the comfy furniture that I said I had. It gave me a little more time to catch up on my journal and chores before everyone got here. Instead of a beverage and a danish from the cafe, I had drinks choices that could be dispensed via a keurig machine—everything from tea to hot chocolate, coffee, and mocha. For dinner, I had leftover homemade General Tso’s chicken.

Unfortunately two people didn't feel up to coming, and the game master had to cancel since they got home late, and had issues to attend at home. One person saw the message, and turned to head back home. That left three of us and we made it a movie night. Together we watched Everything Everywhere All at Once on the large screen TV in my living room/entertainment center. Callie briefly popped out to sit beside me on the couch to see who was there.

When I went to the store on Tuesday, I couldn’t believe how much the price of a bag of mocha grounds had spiked up; it went up 33% to $8.99. I also couldn’t believe that there were no green onions, requiring a trip to Sprout’s.

Actually, I can believe the price of mocha came up. Starbucks is no longer able to absorb the tariffs and is passing in on to the consumer. With most coffee production coming from South America, Trump’s tariffs, and the military action in South America, it’s not really a surprise the price has gone up.

At the store, I was approached three times by petition workers asking if I wanted to sign a petition that would allow the legislature to roll back fair elections. Not getting enough signatures at the door, they started patrolling the parking lot. I said no all three times. The third time, in the parking lot, the signature gatherer replied, “So you don’t believe in the political process?” and started to walk away. That action called for what happened next.

“Wait right there,” I said. “I do believe in the political process. The people already voted on this issue. This,” indicating the petition, “is a super majority not wanting to hear the voice of a Democrat.” The poll worker said nothing and quietly walked away.

Apparently, thousands of pages of research material is not enough for the Utah State Legislature. Two years ago, the University of Utah completed a study at the behest of the Utah State Legislature to determine the impact of gender affirming care in youth with a “temporary” moratorium on gender affirming care for them. The result was that it was overwhelming positive, beneficial, and sometimes necessary in a few cases. Gender affirming care has guidelines that if followed negates regret, and allows people to make informed choices on what is best for them. Instead, the wish to state a general moratorium on the care on the belief that no youth should ever transition.

That belief is such a myopic viewpoint that it neglects the big picture. Youth are generally not encouraged to transition physically, and certainly, younger children never are. Gender affirming care is typically psychological helping the youth navigate the experienced gender in an emotionally healthy way, and encouraging deep reflection on how far they ultimately want to go. If a body's natural transition is too psychologically painful, the hormones that cause the transition can be suppressed to allow for freedom from hormone-induced comorbidity. It also allows for a smoother transition should they decide to start taking cross-sex hormones to physically transition as an adult. In rare cases, HRT may be administered as early as 16 to help the individual blend in better, but no gender confirmation surgery is generally approved before adulthood in the United States. The general consensus is they can wait.

The Republicans who advocate for a moratorium on gender affirming care for youth are living in a confirmation-bias bubble. They don't want to believe that the science is right, so they choose not to, and act in ways that may cause more harm in the end than good.

Utah has also banned three more books, and as a result, the Let Utah Read Coalition and the ACLU of Utah have filed a suit on behalf of the authors, which includes the Kurt Vonnegut Estate and Ellen Hopkins. The argument rests on the fact that while many books that are deemed sensitive are not suitable to primary age kids without parental consent, many adolescents aren’t exposed to literature that can help them deal with issues they are struggling with.

It is better to have award-winning books available. While acknowledging material is sensitive, a parent or guardian should be able to evaluate the maturity level of their child and whether or not they should be able to determine what level of access to sensitive materials they can have; for instance, they could be able to choose unlimited selection and viewing, parental notification, case-by-case parental approval, or restricted. This is a much sensible and sensitive way of dealing with the material.

Across fiction and nonfiction, memory and strategy, grief and growth, a common thread emerges: we become better—more thoughtful, more humane, more resilient—by paying attention. By reading widely, questioning deeply, and resisting the pull of easy answers and confirmation bias, we strengthen both our intellect and our empathy. Books, reflection, and ethical engagement with technology are not escapes from the world but tools for meeting it with clarity and care. As the year unfolds, I choose to keep feeding my mind, tending my emotional well-being, and listening—truly listening—to stories beyond my own, trusting that this steady practice is how we build a more just, informed, and compassionate future.