Holding the Path: From Shadows to Solidarity

In Katabasis, by R. F. Kuang, Alice wonders if Peter is the most dangerous kind of rival. Everyone says Peter is annoying as all hell. She wonders if Peter has been playing them since the day they met.

Elspeth Bayes died ten years before Alice arrived at Cambridge. Only the cox of the Lady Magaret women’s VII realized at first what they had discovered after they saw something floating in the water. The punch line of the story was that if Elspeth weren’t dead before the rowers accidentally struck her with their oars coming to a halt, she was certainly dead after.

Alice realizes that she and Peter might vanish without a trace. Peter peers over the side of the boat. Peter tells Alice to look at the water.

When they find themselves in a square pit, they remain less than a foot off the ground no matter how many times they round the corners of the steps along the walls. They are stuck in someone’s Escher trap.

Alice remembers that when her hand slipped and knocked into a beaker, it didn’t shatter. Professor Grimes did not cease his ministrations with a female coworker in front of her, and Alice’s heart skipped.

When Alice first met Grimes, he told her, “It’s lovely to meet you.” Her interrupted her when she started saying it’s an honor to meet him and she couldn’t wait to get started, telling her she sounded nervous. She had replied, “Well, of course I am.”

Alice gasps that she can’t do it when the forest of souls whispers for her to settle. The forest instructs her to “Hold your thoughts at arm’s length, and go—empty.” Alice feels they might as well have asked her to retrieve the moon.

The wheel at the center of Hell shimmers every time a soul goes past. A waft of air floats across the throne as it turns. The Lord of Hell remarks to Alice that it is thrilling to watch new life being made.

According to the ACLU on September 23rd, more that 400 artists joined the American Civil Liberties Union to publish an open letter that warned of a “dark moment for freedom of speech in our nation.” ACLU Executive Director Anthony Romero stated, “The silencing of Jimmy Kimmel and jawboning of media outlets through lawsuits and threats to their licenses evoke the dark memories of the 1950s.” The letter reads that the government’s attempts to silence critics “runs counter to the values our nation was built upon, and our Constitution guarantees."

On September 22nd, President Trump was allowed by the Supreme Court to fire a leader of the Federal Trade Commission. According to the brief order, the court announced it would consider in December whether to overturn a precedent that prevents presidents from removing independent regulators without cause, based solely on policy disagreements. Justice Elena Kagan, dissenting, stated that even though Congress has ruled differently, this decision means that Trump “may…extinguish the agencies’ bipartisanship and independence.”

The night of September 23rd, I worked late getting the latest AI code for claims processing for my company into production. By the time we finished the deploy, the caucus leadership meeting I was going to attend had ended. Fortunately, Tenille Taggart, the treasurer for the Utah Stonewall Dems was able to attend and report back. I had asked the Second Vice Chair of the Salt Lake County Democratic Party, who was hosting the meeting, to share the google poll I had created to collect endorsement process guidelines from the caucuses so I had compile the information into a candidate guide. Five caucuses were represented, and I got access requests from three of the caucuses to access the survey, so it was a good result.

Wednesay, the 24th was gaming night, and we have started doing a kind of pot luck for the last Wednesday of the month. Unable to make up my mind, I brought a party tray and trail mix, since the party was on a trail. No one touched the trail mix, but almost all of the party tray was consumed. The Game Master provided Orange Fanta (including Zero Sugar) and sandwiches, another person brough challah bread with honey, and a fourth person provided blueberries and strawberries.

The game was intense, and it focused on all the characters involuntarily sharing their most important memories. The party learned how interconnected they all were, and that the non-player leader of the group would do anything to protect the family, and that we were all considered a part of he family, whether by blood or not. Luminia, my character, found herself beginning to fall in love with a co-worker who was a childhood friend. The fear unfortunately, is that the NPC leader does not know how to grieve except through violence.

The evening of Thursday the 25th I drove down to Midvale to see the roasting of Midvale City Mayor Dustin Gettel. It was a fairly intimate event with people that knew Dustin, including his partner, political friends, and people he serves with on Midvale City Council. As I drove down Midvale Main Street, I noticed how much the street has improved. The facades appear a lot nicer, and murals appear on several of the alleyways. Roasters noted how much Dustin cherishes the quarter that was used for the coin toss that elected him mayor, and the number of tattoo parlors on Main Street. Dustin gave as good as he got in return. It was fun to chat with some of the people attending as well as Dustin himself.

Trevor Lee is making noise about renaming Harvey Milk Boulevard to Charlie Kirk Boulevard and is going to introduce a bill in the Utah legislature to do so. This man’s hatred of all things LGBTQ+ has got to go. We need someone in Davis County to run against this individual. The board of the Utah Stonewall Dems agreed that this seat is our number one target for 2026, and we are willing to send a candidate to the Victory Institute to give them a decent shot at winning and flipping the seat.

Grant Miller said it best when he said that you can’t honor a victim of political violence by erasing another. Harvey Milk was the first gay superintendent of San Francisco, and was assassinated by an act of political violence. He deserves to be honored, not erased.

When Trump says that Charlie Kirk is a Christian martyr, he is mistaken in thinking that Kirk was anything like Christ. The biblical Christ taught empathy and love for others, not the divisive argumentative techniques employed by Kirk to deny someone’s lived experiences. Shutting someone down is not proving that your viewpoint is correct—instead, it proves that you are a verbal bully.

That path to a better world together is not through judgmentalism. It is through listening, compassion, and being there for those in need. It is walking the extra mile with them, and giving them the cloak off your own back. It’s inviting them in, feeding them, and washing their feet.

The Utah Stonewall Dems got a lot of responses on social media when we posted that we are looking for candidates to run against Trevor Lee. Two other caucuses pledged to help, three people have come forward as candidates, I had a meeting on Tuesday with someone who represents an organization that provides free training to diverse candidates, and people are pledging to help whoever runs against Trevor Lee.

Sunday, at my church, the topic was on the impossibility of perfection, especially as it applies to women in our culture. This is a recurring theme on the impossible demands that are placed upon women, that they can never be enough, while attempting to fit the stereotypes that are thrust upon them. The speaker related how after talking to our minister on a similar journey, she realized that happiness was returning to her career—that being a Mom was great and fulfilling, but it was time to return to what else gave her meaning in life.

Brooke and I were planning to go kayaking on Utah Lake, but the 14 mph wind forecast was a bit scary. Meanwhile, I saw an invitation for another meetup at Mueller Park this Saturday, and I recommended that we go there instead. I suggested that I would just go and read under the trees while she explored, because my back was a little sore. I packed my knapsack just in case I felt up to doing a little hiking.

I didn’t feel the pressure to meet my next goal up the switchback and around the mountain, giving myself permission to turn back at any time. The first three-quarters of a mile up the trail I find to be the most challenging. By the time we got to the table, another woman and her kids were just setting up to take a break. I asked if they didn’t mind us joining.

I pulled out the tortilla chips and queso with salsa and had a bite to eat. I enjoyed a few pages from Katabasis while I recovered. While I was reading, my pulse gently glided down to 99 bpm from a high of 125. At that point I felt up to going after my next target.

The last time I made this climb, I had taken the next two turns after the table before turning back. This time, I added my new goal of two more turns after that for a total of four turns after the table.

On the way there, we passed one middle-aged woman, who said, of course she had made it to Elephant Rock. She usually makes a day of it and had been there since 11 am. She was confident we could make it there as well.

As we continued to climb, we passed a number of people coming down, usually in family groups. On gentleman passing us told us he was from Virginia and in town for just a couple of days. A few of the groups coming down looked exhausted and did not make it to the rock.

One gentleman and his dog looked exceedingly tired. There was a pink sunburn on the top right of his forhead, and his dog’s tongue was practically touching the ground in thirst. Brooke offered some of our water and the dog lapped it out her palm and out of the bottle. She gave the man her bottle. This is a good reminder to always make sure you pack water bottles on a journey and remember to stay hydrated.

Once I made it to my target destination, the trail opened onto a beautiful overlook. You could the resplendent autumn colors across the valley. In the distance farther up the trail, Elephant Rock itself was visible. Checking my pulse, I noticed that it was at 75 bpm, well within the healthy range for a hike.

Keeping my promise to myself, I hydrated first, took a panoramic sequence of photos, and sat down to continue reading Katabasis on the Kindle application on my smart phone. I didn’t quite finish the reading as the ground I was sitting on started to feel like I was sitting on gravel. I packed up and headed back down and to the car.

The round trip of that hike was 2.95 miles, a new personal record. When I got home about 5 pm, I suddenly found myself needing a nap that stretched out for about an hour.

I definitely got a good workout. I have plans to go back up on Saturday, since I was invited to one of the bonfires at the park tables below the trail. My goal is to first make the next two turns before I join the party.

According to an interview with Sarah Hicks on November 17, 1937, when older Indians remarked and talked about themselves, saying, “Now, the Indian is on the road to disappearance,” they were referring to a leaving of their ways, familiar surroundings, medicine, hunting grounds, and friends. They would say, “In time, perhaps our own language will not be used."

Sin-e-cha was onboard the Monmouth, which sank in the Mississippi. In September of 1937 Elsie Edwards told how Sin-e-cha sang a song taken up by others in which she sang, “I am driven away from home, driven up the red waters, let us all go, let us all die together, and somewhere upon the banks we will be there.”

In “The Centaur,” May Swenson tells of a child playig with a stick between her legs, how they “skittered and reared.” Her teeth are bared as they wheel and swish through the dust. She was both the horse and the rider, spanking her own behind.

Tuesday, I had a Zoom call with Paolo Cremidis of Outrun, and we discussed their organization, my experience and the Utah Stonewall Dems. Outrun offers free training for diverse candidates under 40 years old, and they focus on red states and rural areas. They claim to have a 100% success rate with their candidates and offer some candidate support. They would love to work with us to identify candidates for training at their workshops. I invited them to our special board meeting this Saturday.

Today, I interviewed Roman Fisher, a young queer man of color studying political science at the University of Utah about an internship with the Utah Stonewall Dems. After I described our organization, our goals, and vision, we discussed where he felt he could best fit. He’s looking to do a Spring internship with us and would like to be involved in mobilization and helping with Queer Connect. I am hoping this will be a mutually beneficial relationship.

According to the Salt Lake Tribune, Encircle has seen nearly a complete turnover of its physicians in its therapy department this year. Clinicians said they left because of unrealistic workload expectations. Ex-Encircle therapist Sami Simpson noted an increase in suicidal ideation for clients who could no longer continue with their therapist.

Last year’s report by the Trevor project outlines the need for mental health care. According to the report 47 percent of young Utahns who desired care didn’t receive it. Reasons they gave included cost, parental permission, and fear of voicing their concerns.

Through myth, memory, and lived experience, this week’s journey reminds us that the struggles of Alice in Katabasis mirror our own battles with uncertainty, fear, and the temptation to give up when the path feels endless. Yet just as Alice learns to hold her thoughts at arm’s length and keep moving forward, we too must resist despair, especially in the face of political threats to our freedoms, the erasure of LGBTQ+ history, and the impossible demands placed upon us by society. Every step we take—whether on a mountain trail, in a community meeting, or by supporting candidates who will protect our rights—moves us closer to a future built on compassion, resilience, and justice. Let us walk together, refusing to vanish without a trace, lifting one another when the way is steep, and daring to believe that love, truth, and courage will always outlast fear. The call is before us: join in, speak up, and take action so that none of us are left behind.